Visibility at Hand

So, part of being the expert consultant for Etiquette at Hand, is transparency. Displaying manners is not about smiling and pretending everything is always OK. It's about finding the most civil and graceful way to get through even the toughest challenges. So I have decided that my blogging will not only include the expected manners and etiquette tips, quotes, etc., but will also include my journey with this company. The good days. The challenging days. The days I totally break down and lose it. Like today.

I can't! I can't! I CAN'T!!! I just can't do it all, I fear. There is so much to be done to start this business- the networking, marketing, and planning- all these are overwhelming when I've already quit my job and am now watching my funds sweep away with no hope to pay my rent in March. No one is going to care about this. No one will sign up for classes. Who am I? What makes me so special? And with all the work that needed to be done, I just sat in fear. Or terror, rather. And I cried. Or sobbed, rather. Then I prayed. Or yelled at God, rather.

And there was no relief. No clap of thunder. No great awakening. In fact, a while later, I got a call from a friend who suggested I get a part time job… Well meaning advice, but I just quit a job to get my business started. I really want to put everything into Etiquette at Hand and I need all the hours in the day to do it. So why do I spend so much time paralyzed with fear? What is wrong with me? My room is a mess. The dishes have taken permanent residency in the sink and on the surrounding counters. My balcony looks like a junkyard. All these things have to change in order for me to be successful since I am basing my business out of my home at first. I am truly terrified.

Then I went to ballet. I didn't want to. Well, I did want to but I was so stressed and really beside myself that going to ballet at that moment seemed more akin to getting a root canal. However, I went and class was cancelled. While chatting with friends I told them about my new intended career. As I explained how etiquette can be used to actually help relationships, I felt my sense of purpose returning.

To be honest, I was not raised to be polite. At all. And even up through the last few years, it was hit and miss. As long as everything went my way, or at least went somewhat well, I was the picture of perfect politeness. But hurt my feelings, be mean to me, treat me or a loved one with disrespect, and my Irish blood could boil your hair off. And when I was knee deep in the most challenging conflict of my adult life, I stopped. I read a quote… okay… just spent 15 minutes trying to find it but can't. So I will have to paraphrase and hope that one of you know what it is, who said, and to whom I can give credit for this piece of golden advice, since it did change my life. So here goes:

"If you smile at your enemy and show great manners towards them, they will not even know they are your enemy, thus giving you the upper hand."

Treacherous, right? And thus began my quest to "personalize" my manners. I got the jerks off my back and regained my dignity. But something else happened. I wondered what would happen if I applied my newfound idea to my everyday pals and family members. It was a slow and painful journey and I still slip occasionally, but practicing politeness has improved every single relationship I have. You can't yell at your daughter if you are being polite. You can't interrupt your son-in-law if you are being polite. You can't get all mad at your friend for disappointing you if you are being polite. It's a conscious choice, though elusive at first, and soon became the hallmark of my new lifestyle. This doesn't make me a doormat (just ask an ex-colleague who failed at bullying me in the workplace when I used polite but firm actions to stop her). It just gives me choices that actually work.

 As I relayed this to one friend, she was super excited and even suggested I write a book. And I am BACK!

"If we all practiced manners and civility, what would we then have left to war over?" ~Carrie Glenn

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Thank you for visiting my blog and have a fabulous day!

~Signing off...