Empathy Exercise, Change Your Mind by Carrie Glenn, founder of Etiquette at Hand

Me. Annoyed.

Okay. So I'm sitting here trying to write these tips and exercises. My fireplace is inoperable because a seagull family has built a nest to house its egg in my chimney and our laws prohibit moving a wild bird egg. It's summer. Everywhere. Except...Pacific Grove, Fogtown, USA. I've been cold every night for about a week and guess what? My thermostat is broken as well. So I cannot even turn on the heater. 

The service man is here fixing it. Rejoice! Right? No. I am annoyed. The service man has told me about matching wiring in a thermostat. He told me yesterday while he was assessing the problem. He told me yesterday while going down to the basement to check the wiring, while packing up, while explaining how he would talk to the leasing company, while announcing that he was sure the problem was that the thermostat was broken because the wiring is okay, while he was backing out the door.

He tells me again today while he is pulling off the old thermostat. He tells me today while he is opening the new package, while he is installing the new thermostat, while he is handing me the recyclables (yes, I care deeply about our Earth, however not about the wiring...I just want to work on this article...and feel warm), while he is showing me how the thermostat works, while he is...

Just make it stop! I am so annoyed I can hardly practice the Self-regulation it is taking to politely exit this would-be-heat-hero from my home.

And it hits me. I want to slam the door in a man's face so that I can finish teaching Etiquette. He is standing there, so proud of his work; so proud of his findings, his discoveries. I realize that the extra maybe, eight minutes of my life I spent listening to his wire story is not, in fact, wasted time I can never get back. Each moment was a chance to connect. To listen and to understand. And I blew all but the first and last.

The first time he told me, I listened intently, truly interested (well, at least a little bit interested). The interest faded quickly into annoyance. Now I realize my wasted opportunity and I listen again for the last time. The information is not new. But my understanding is. Would-be-heat-hero has become a person with a need to be heard. Over and over and over and over and over and over again. Right or wrong, annoying or not, my job, my task is change my mind about how I feel about him. Though I didn't get to this conclusion until it was almost too late, the fact that I have will make all the difference.

Tonight, unlike last night, I will not have to rely on Self-regulation to keep from complaining to my boyfriend that the Would-be-heat-hero talked a lot. (Actually, last night I only practiced Self-regulation after I had complained twice...) I won't complain in my own heart and mind that the Would-be-heat-hero talked a lot. I won't be glad to see this human disappear from my existence.

I will celebrate Would-be-heat-hero. I will care that he is well and happy and thriving in his business. He did a good job. He was well informed, reasonably fast and honest. That's what I will remember and repeat. 

And all because I changed my mind. Yesterday, I chose to be annoyed. Today, I choose to be kind. And it's 71 degrees in here!

Good Manners and Happy!

Thank you for visiting my blog and have a fabulous day!

~Signing off...

"If we all practiced manners and civility, what would we then have left to war over?" ~Carrie Glenn

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