Don't be that jerk at work! Carrie Glenn

What everyone ought to know about what not to do in the workplace.

At work, wouldn't it be fair to say most of us want to be perceived as successful, dependable, worth promoting and even dynamic? Yes, our pedigree, diploma, and connections can get our foot in the door but what keeps us in everyone's good graces and keeps us from getting the boot?

How we behave at work can deeply affect how far ahead we get, how often we receive raises and promotions, and even the quality of the type of projects we are given. How we behave can also be construed as indicators of our character. In short, we are valued or judged on our behavior at work.

Here are 5 big NO-NO's:

1. The Houdini smile. You know that smile. It's the smile that instantly vanishes when the giver turns away. You know, the smile that tries to brighten the room but almost never quite reaches the eyes and even if by some miracle the giver does manage to authenticate that fake smile, it slips off as their head is turning away, leaving in its place a subtle, almost triumphantly obnoxious sneer of victory that they have yet again duped the receiver.

What you can do: Learn to smile genuinely and make a point to keep a smile on your face after engaging with others for at least 5-10 seconds. The way to let your smile fade naturally is to keep thinking about a positive aspect of the conversation. Think of your gently-fading smile as a "transition" from the engagement to your next task.

2. Gossip. Nearly everyone does it. It is so prevalent in today's workplace that to not gossip could get you on the least-popular-list in a jiffy. However, employees are beginning to stand up against office bullying and other harmful work environments. The need to subtly dissuade gossip has become urgent and there are ways to effectively handle this.

What you can do: Never start gossiping. When someone else gossips, find a reason to excuse yourself or simply change the subject.

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3. Being rude to others (even accidentally). This is such a broad and vague subject that it can be difficult to navigate without a second pair of eyes on you. There are a few things that can make one appear rude even if they don't mean to be.

• Googley eye contact: lack of eye contact, wandering eyes, lack of interest in eyes, fake smiles that don't reach the eyes.
• Shyness: being nervous to carry on a conversation, poor posture, being more quiet than others (don't worry, we do address those extraverts in moment!).
• Lack of etiquette: not holding the door for others, not saying good morning to each person you meet, not shaking hands properly, introducing people incorrectly, not holding the elevator, not displaying the proper respect to everyone from the boss to the janitor. 

What you can do: Learn about eye contact. If you are shy, learn some techniques to help with confident communication. Take a career etiquette workshop or read a book or two. This is good even if you already have good business etiquette. Also, get honest feedback from others if you think you may display rudeness.

4. Being an office bully. There are basically two types of office bullies: the ones who know they are bullies and the ones who blame others for making them re-act in an uncivil manner. Either way, bullies engage in any or all of these behaviors: demeaning body language, talk down-to, yell, criticize, public reprimanding, sexual advances, gossip, hazing, roasting, teasing, stealing credit, oh! The list goes on!

What you can do: There is a simple 3 step plan for controlling one's tendency to engage in office bullying:

• Learn to manage your stress and temper.
• Get some conflict resolution skills under your belt.
• Now stop bullying others. 

5. Talking non-stop about yourself or complaining. We all know that office assistant that we avoid. You know, the one we attempt to escape from for fear that if he catches our eye he will instantaneously launch into a five minute monologue about any given subject. Don't be that guy! Or the complaining, whining, nay-sayer that no one can please.

What you can do: Ask more questions and listen to the answers. Never speak in sentences more than 11 words long. Stop worrying about the things you can complain about and focus more on solutions. -

BONUS: Bad body language! It may surprise you to learn that bad body language can make people unlikeable. It stands to reason since non-verbal communication is a huge percentage of our communication. This can include facial expressions, unpolished or inappropriate gestures, poor posture, clenched fists, fidgeting, hands crossed in front of your chest or even held together down in front of your belly, hands on your hips, hair in your eyes, crossed feet, one foot over your knee, rushed behavior, tone of voice, insensitivity to personal space, too much swag in your walk and not enough swag in your walk.

What you can do: Join a club like Toastmasters to address other idiosyncrasies. Take international etiquette to learn how some body language (like showing the bottom of your foot) can offend others cultures. Take ballet or yoga consistently to improve posture.

Please also click the link below for a well-rounded view of this topic. A portion of my above tips, along with several other wonderful pieces of advice from other experts were featured in this FABULOUS article on CareerBuilder.com:

7 reasons your co-workers don't like you – and how to fix it, by Mary Lorenz

Bio: Carrie Glenn helps Millennials develop modern career etiquette so that they can become a powerful force in the workplace. She teaches workplace civility, career etiquette, volunteer and event etiquette, Mother/Daughter grace and poise, professional dining, professional image and makeup, and more. From the dining room to the boardroom, her unique training provides powerful social skills that deliver results. She is the founder of EtiquetteAtHand.com, where she teaches everything kind, classy, and beautiful and she is the author of The Periscope Checklist, the eBook that teaches professional, high quality live broadcasting skills.

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The Think Big Revolution Keynote with Michael Port or Who Do You Think You Are by Carrie Glenn

Never have I posted someone else's video in my blogs. Here's the thing. In business etiquette, we talk about networking. We talk about connecting with others. We talk about promoting others and how to promote ourselves at the same time. That doesn't mean we arbitrarily go around posting great works from others. There's too many to choose from.

But this time I couldn't help it.

Watching this video made me feel. Made me crave something. Made me determined to continue building the community of amazing and unique people who want to make a difference in the world. And it made me think about all those missed opportunities due to that voice in my head that asks on a daily and sometimes hourly basis,

"Who do you think you are?"

Who do you think you are to believe that you can have more of life than what you've been offered? Who do you think you are to believe that you can make an impact in this world? Who do you think you are to follow your unrealistic dreams? Who? Who? Who...

Michael Port spoke of love, "You know the whole, whole room feels different now. Like we can do anything... That's love. Actually. It's all around us. That's big! See, that's what I'm talking about when I say 'Revolutionary'!" I couldn't help being moved.

And love really is revolutionary! Love is what makes Etiquette at Hand so important. We all know manners are important. Some of us practice them more often or more seriously, or even better than others. And some think we "got" it when in fact, we don't. Not really. Because though it does matter that we use proper etiquette for the proper situations, what really matters is the etiquette for how we treat each other; love each other.

Etiquette is love.

My definition of etiquette is, "the consistent display of courtesy to all people at all times" and that, my dear friends, is love.

See, here's the thing. When we make the decision, the commitment, that no matter how rude people are to us, we will respond with politeness; no matter how rushed we are, we will take the time to show patience; no matter how angry we are, we will respond in a civil and courteous manner; then we are acting in love. We are creating a safe environment in which we and others can explore and fail and thrive. Together. And in this process, we are creating love.

Who do I think I am? I am Carrie Glenn, the Etiquette Expert that stands up for love and kindness and equality.

So who do you think you are? Comment below to share who you are and what you stand for.



Signing off,

Carrie Glenn, the Etiquette Expert
Please remember to Practice Politeness!

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Carrie Glenn is the founder of Etiquette at Hand. She helps entrepreneurs develop their professional edge so that they can take command of the room, negotiate like a pro and network with those around them in any situation. She is an expert speaker and coach in business and career etiquette, effective communication and powerful presentation. From the boardroom to the dining room to the bedroom, her unique training provides powerful social skills that deliver results.

Through her services as a key note speaker and author, seminars, training programs, one-on-one coaching and online mentorship programs and products, she is delighted to empower clients to learn how to confidently reach their career and relationship goals.

Top Ten Tips for Network Marketers, Entrepreneurs, and Other Sales Professionals

 

How to enter a room. Pause a moment. Smile. Walk with Confidence. Be Present.

1. Make Your Entrance Count: When you enter a room, stop and pause a moment. This instantly positions you as a confident and important addition to the event or group. Use good eye contact and be present. Always look people in the eye when you are talking to them, introducing yourself, etc., and put your mind and attention fully on them. Make sure you walk with confidence. Women, pull up gently in your lower abdomen as if you are trying to zip up a tight pair of jeans and place one foot in front of the other allowing your hips to slightly sway. Men, walk with ease and with your feet moving directly forward. Women and men: Chin horizontal to the earth; if it's too high, you appear arrogant, too low and you appear unconfident and weak. Stand straight and with your shoulders back all the while with an air of grace and ease. This takes practice.
2. Practice the RULES of Engagement: Know when and when not to join a group. If you approach a group and they turn slightly towards you, wait for an appropriate moment to join in the conversation. If they don't turn towards you, move on to another group. (NOTE: remember to avoid taking it personally when others do not include you; at the same time, remember to always turn to include others. It is very rude otherwise!) When introducing others, always say the highest ranking person's name first. I.e. (you are introducing your newest business partner, Lisa Nichols to your NVP, Hilary Corcoran): "Hilary, I would like to introduce you to our newest team member, Lisa Nichols. Lisa, this is Hilary Corcoran, our NVP." (to Hilary) "Lisa is also from Ireland and very excited to join our team." Keep in mind that a client outranks anyone in the company. I.e. (you are introducing Trish Samuel, your favorite client to Hilary): Trish, I'd like you to meet Hilary Corcoran, CEO of Hope Nation, our Arbonne branch. Hilary, this is Trish Samuel, my very good friend and favorite client." (to Trish) "Hilary lives near your daughter in Newport Beach..." This goes for guests and hosts. The guest always outranks the host. Lastly, give a firm handshake. Clasp the hand and step forward with your right foot. Shake the hand three to four times and release, maintaining eye contact and a bright smile the whole time.
3. Honor the Art of Small Talk: Small talk is the most socially accepted ice-breaker. Ask a lot of questions. Listen well. Stick to neutral subjects. Have fun. Stay up to date on a few interesting bits of current events. Be sure you have a few fun facts and even historical bits or a few quotes memorized. Know your audience. If you are at an event with non-social media types, don't ask them if they saw the latest Tweet from Byoncé. If you are in a room of tweens, don't play the jitterbug and start dancing.
4. Polish Your Professional Presence: What is your story and whom do you admire? Decide what your dream is and then dress yourself in that dream. In other words, what do you look like when you are at your best or have made it to the top? Are there others that you admire from whom you can glean image tips? What to you want to communicate to others? In other words, when you walk down the street, what do you want others to see in you: chic? elegant? warm and friendly? modern? romantic? business-like? When it's time to shop, always seek quality over quantity. It is best to pick one quality suit and a couple of blouses rather than several outfits of lesser quality.
5. First Impressions Count so Make Yours Last: As a primal instinct, everyone you meet will decide in less than 5 seconds if they trust and like you or if you are a threat. The first three things people notice about you are your head, hands and feet. Keep your hair styled at all times, nails neat and manicured, and shoes freshly polished and free from scratches and dings. And yes, men! Manicures are available for you, not just women. You do not have to polish of course (unless you want to), however please keep those cuticles in excellent shape since you will use your hands to shake others' hands and handle product. Your single greatest asset is your smile.

   

   Your smile comes from your heart.

   A smile must come from your heart, reach your eyes, then your lips. Eye contact is crucial when you smile at someone.
6. Style is Your Personal Signature: Remember that your wardrobe and accessories are valuable tools you can use to brand yourself. Your personal space and vehicle are also branding tools. Keep these items clean and polished, neat and tidy, fresh and enjoyable. Your signature is up to you, just make sure to keep it consistent and in pristine condition.
7. Follow the Golden Rule of Networking: When you attend events, look for one maybe two (max!) lifetime connections. Look for someone you really like and would love to invite to your home for Christmas dinner. Seek like-minded people. These people may have vast differences from which you can draw on to enhance each others' lives, yet you must be able to resonate with their core values. Following this rule opens your mind and heart to true and valuable connections. You may end up occasionally connecting with more than one or two or you may go home with just one. Either way, you will feel happy because this connection will in all likelihood end up a lifetime friend.
8. How to Give and Receive Business Cards: Always use two hands when you hand someone your card. Hold it by the two top corners and present it as if it is your dearest possession. Receive their card with the same honor and respect. Comment on and/or compliment it. And remember the #1, most important, business card tip ever: It is far more important to receive a card than give one. Always ask for others' cards before you ask them if you can give them yours and always ask for others' cards even if you don't have cards.
9. Give to Receive: We care. That is obvious. Why we care is not always obvious. When we want others to perceive that we truly care about them, we must approach them with the attitude of serving them rather than wanting anything from them. This includes our hosts, potential business builders, and our team. Most of us have heard the phrase, "Ask and ye shall receive," and while this is true, there is also another system at play in today's society. It is, "Give and ye shall receive." Fortune 500 companies such as Merrill Lynch, built their fortunes on the concept of giving before asking. In fact, Arbonne subscribes to this philosophy by teaching us to give samples and spa nights, etc., before ever asking clients to buy. Be prepared and satisfied to give, give, and give some more without ever receiving a sale, a partner, or anything in return. Schedule time each day or at the very least, each week to hand write thank you cards and other types of "giving" communications with your contacts. 
10. Learn and Practice Dining Etiquette Skills: Know your basics. For instance, it's okay to remove a bone or grizzle from your mouth as long as you remove it the same way you placed it in. I.e. if you used your fingers, remove with fingers. If you used a fork, remove with your fork. Place the unwanted food on your plate without trying to cover it up. Simply set it down and leave it be. Another basic: when eating your bread, break off one small bite at at time, butter it and then eat. Repeat as desired. Don't just butter the whole thing and then take bites off of the whole piece of bread. And refrain from pushing away your plate when you are finished. Don't touch it at all. Let the waiter clear it (or if you are clearing, get up and then clear the plates).

    

    American Dining. Informal Dinner. How to set the table. BMW.

    Understand the place setting by remembering BMW. Think Bread on the left, your Meal or plate, in the middle and Water or Wine on the right. (I know, I know. Mercedes isn't too thrilled with this acronym...). Master what to do during the meal. The key here is to know that mistakes happen and your job is to make as little fuss when they do happen and move forward quickly. Also, help others feel comfortable if they spill or make a mistake. And of course, take a dining etiquette course! and practice often at home.

What to remember: 

• Give yourself room to learn and make mistakes
• Practice often (you are welcome to join my ongoing training by clicking this LINK)
• Avoid giving unsolicited etiquette advice to anyone. EVER.

What to do first: 

• Write out any due or overdue thank you notes.
• Send an email to someone you recently met. Include a link that they would find interesting or helpful (i.e. if they like golf, send them a link to a great golf article)
• Watch this VIDEO on how to give and receive business cards and then practice with a friend or colleague 

"Learning how to accept business cards has made all the difference in how other's perceive me. Thank you!" -Yvonne Hildebrand-Bowen

Feel free to download this Original Photo 1-sheet as my gift to you! If you like it, you may purchase the accompanying 13 page Ebook featuring each strategy on an original photo for only $4.97. This is a simple and elegant PDF style Ebook, sure to please.

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Thank you for visiting my blog and have a fabulous day!

"If we all practiced manners and civility, what would we then have left to war over?" ~Carrie Glenn

~Signing off...

Network Like a Millionaire: 7 Tips for Internet Entrepreneurs

You've just come home from a seminar, convention, or any other event where you've collected a shoebox of business cards (or maybe even just a few cards). What next? "The rich keep it in the family." Have you ever heard this expression? Millionaires are absolute experts at how to network. Why? Because they have honed the art of cultivating relationships. They understand that each of their successes is a contribution to each other as a whole. They protect and honor their connections, even when they have points of disagreement. Learn this time-honored tradition by following the examples of the elite.

1) Organize your cards, jotting a few points of interest on the back of the cards like their nickname, children's names and ages, hobbies, etc. Put the few that you had a deep and/or meaningful connection with aside and email them first. If you are shy or new at this, it will get you into the groove.

2) Email within a few days. The sooner the better.

3) Send personal emails. No mass emails since this is not your email list! Once they sign up to be on your list, then it all gets into the marketing strategy. Until then, please take a little time to get to know them, remind them why they thought you were amazing, and rekindle those sparks of interest. Chances are, they are excited to sign up for your mailing list so don't turn them off!

4) Mention something personal about them, their interests and hobbies, family situations, etc, in your email. Hopefully you jotted notes on the backs of the cards but if not, do your best.

i.e. "I hope your son has gotten over his cold…"

5) Offer them some type of value. AND NO! I am not talking about the type of value used for marketing purposes. Seriously try to find a way to reach out to them. For example, if you met someone who loves golf and you run into a great article on golf, send it to them. If you met two people from the same area that you think would hit it off and be mutually supportive of each other, offer to introduce them. Millionaires are always looking for ways to give to each other and support each other's welfare.

i.e. "I met someone that also lives in (___) and he is a brilliant coach. I bet the two of you would have a lot in common. If you didn't already meet him, I would be glad to give him your email so you can connect."

6) Wait to market. It's okay to have a link under your name that takes your new contact to a website or optin page (remember, if your contact has already showed an interest in your work, they will click on their own) but DON'T mention it or refer to it in your initial email! It's a huge turnoff. I know that Internet Entrepreneurs are geared for this type of marketing and yes, in your next email, go ahead and subtly mention that they can sign up. But in the initial email, it is important to cement your newly established and very fragile relationship.

7) Learn the 1 to 6 Rule: Send your new contact a personal email or phone call every one to six months. Ok. Some of you have thousands, if not more, contacts. Don't worry! You're off the hook. I'm not referring to all of them. Remember those few cards you set aside in step one? The people you connected with on a deeper level? There should only be a small handful of these and each one of these people is worth your time and effort. How do you think that the top pros all go on vacations together? Or dinner? Yachting excursions? Cultivate a friendship that transcends the hope of "a sale". These are the people who will be there for you, celebrate your successes, support your crazy schemes, encourage you when you are having a lull, and laugh with you over wine.

BONUS TIP: Compliment them! It's just good manners. 

Now go send out those emails!

Feel free to download this Original Photo 1-sheet as my gift to you! If you like it, you may purchase the accompanying 13 page Ebook featuring each strategy on an original photo for only $4.97. This is a simple and elegant PDF style Ebook, sure to please.